Defining my spiritual path so I can meet her on hers

On the second half of this third Meander, I’ve thought a lot about defining my spiritual life. For religious folks, it might be easier. There are sacred texts and revered teachers of the past and living leaders to help interpret both.

My spiritual inspiration is a hodgepodge of eastern philosophies like yoga, Ralph Waldo Emmerson, and the occasional Yoda-ism. I dig some of what the major religions have to offer. I leave the rest.

114 degrees in Death Valley

Is it hot out here, or is it just me?

So, why define spirituality? Two reasons.

First, it helps me to remember what fills my cup and prioritize all the stuff in my life appropriately. After all, the spiritual path is not always the path of least resistance. At least, not for me. I sometimes need a map to keep me on course.

Second, in my search for an equitably spiritual partner (equally yoked, in Biblical terms), I used to think “I’ll know it when I see it.” That has not proven to be true. Twice, I’ve fallen for women who had no long-term intention of proactively pursuing the path.

I used to think dating sites would help by forcing a potential match to identify her beliefs. Alas, the concept of spiritual not religious is just so broad. (Damn you, So, defining my own spiritual life helps me to know what I’m looking for in a partner.

Equally yoked or no thank you

I’ve thought about this second point a lot since my last breakup – and after each of the three breakups of consequence since my engagement ended in 2010.

I no longer want to invest emotional energy in women who aren’t on the path. I’ve even updated my dating profile. It’s now three sentences, one of which is something like, “If you don’t have an active spiritual practice, we won’t work out long term.”

In the past, I was afraid that being so open about this aspect of my life would limit my dating options. That may still be true. But fuck it.

It’s empowering!

Hell, I think everyone should do it.

If you’re eager to start a family, don’t go on a single date with someone who doesn’t want kids. If you want to share your faith in Christ with your partner, don’t respond to dating site emails from non-Christians.

Simple. Powerful.

Over the last six years, I’ve had similar fear about limiting my options by being upfront about my disinterest in alcohol. Again, fuck it. I’ve also updated my dating profile from drinks socially to drinks rarely. I don’t want it in my life. And I don’t want my partner or search for my partner heavily influenced by it.

But I digress. The point is that I’ve finally decided to define my deepest core values and put them out there for everyone – including potential matches – to see. Be yourself. Right?

Defining my spirituality

Now, imagine a potential match responds to my profile by asking, “What do you mean by active spiritual practice?”

Aha! I better think this through … and then write about it!

So, that’s what I’ve done. It’s long. It’s a bit stream-of-consciousness. And it’s definitely a work in progress. Because of all this, I’ve given these thoughts their own page where I can tweak and evolve them as I go. Check it out!

guy in hot spring

Hey girl. Plenty of room in this hot spring for two.


  1. I absolutely love this post. It’s crucial to define what’s important for you and put it out there without reservations. It’s being true to yourself and that is something special. Spiritual gangster, my friend. 🙂 PS – Drinking is overrated. Finding someone who isn’t caught up in that lifestyle and doesn’t make alcohol a priority in their life will deliver happiness tenfold!

  2. What a post! I love that you chose the word “path” in this refreshing exposure of what the third Meander has turned out to be. Each of us has our own path and we have to find our own way. No one can (nor should) try to do it for us. We need to be okay (and get out of the way) of others on their own journeys and honor their process of progression.

    I read your addition to this post about defining being spiritually active in your path. I giggled about the reference to the Empire Strikes Back. Truth be told, we can find and are given things from this beautiful Universe to help us along the way (our path) often through unexpected sources. “GUSS” (God Universe Spirit Source) has a sense of humor indeed. We learn things in times of trouble and in need, in seasons of joy and everything in between.

    Without saying it, you communicated so well that we need not be in judgement of the form or fashion in which we uncover and discover our spirituality (BTW; your meandering and sharing about your experiences has been and is a source for others). Powerful perspective from you; we need only to continue on our path with forward movement, taking action.

    I sure hope that you do a post on the discomfort of meandering. Everything we need is available for us when we are ready to receive and more often than not that means getting and feeling uncomfortable. We have to be willing to travel away from the city lights out to where it is darker to see the abundance of stars overhead. Close at home we are surrounded by millions of other amazing souls. When we meander away from civilization deep into the wilderness as you have done, we will find that in our solitude we are not alone at all. We are met with the comforting companionship of renewing energy flowing forth from everything in our new surroundings.

    Here’s to each of us defining our spiritual path, discovering our deepest core values, and hot springs for two!

  3. Matt, I could not be more pleased for you! Do you realize what you’ve done? You’ve put the law of attraction (LOA) to to work in your life by becoming a deliberate and conscious creator! (Have you discovered/are you reading Abraham-Hicks yet? You’re more than ready, dude 🙂

    You’ve moved from a mindset of scarcity to abundance, which is good, because we live in an abundant universe.

    So often in business, life, relationships we think “if I cut down my options I cut down my opportunity”. That’s bullshit, and in fact, the EXACT opposite is true. Trying to be all things to all people/clients/whatever doesn’t get us MORE of what we want – it just gets us MORE – usually in the form of a mixed bag of things we may or may not want or like which is a colossal waste of time and energy to sift through. In fact, when we decide what we *specifically* want and then move in that direction, we effortlessly attract it. We align; we tune our radios to a specific frequency; we hone in – signals can then respond! The universe can’t deliver your order if it doesn’t know what it is. If you want the vegetarian lasagna for dinner, you’d better not just order “dinner” or you might get a steak!

    This topic always recalls one of my favorites from Goethe: “Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back . . . the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. **Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now.**”

    Of course, taking this on faith can be difficult. I have had to live it to believe it, and there’s definitely no teacher like experience!

    The Latin root of the word “decision” literally means “to cut off.” Making a decision is about eliminating some courses of action in favor of a specific one. That may sound severe and limiting, but it’s not. It’s liberating.

    Having many choices is great; but at some point, if we’re going to get to where we want to go, and if we’re going to attain what we want to attain, then we need to choose.

    Congratulations on choosing and making your choices public and known; on being willing to be seen in the world for who you are and what you want with no apologies or fear of ruffling feathers. And here’s to finding your perfect hot tub mate; something tells me she’s on her way already.


  1. […] went wrong? Working too much. Isolating at home all day. Dating the wrong women. I spent time focusing my dating intention during Meander 2015, but I found myself once again investing energy in women who weren’t right […]

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